Monday, July 11, 2005

On Emotional Vampires

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"EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES": a must-read book!

When people are driving themselves crazy, they have neuroses or psychoses. When they drive other peole crazy, they have personality disorders.
QUESTION: Who are these Emotional Vampires?
ANSWER: They are the people who draw you in, then drain you.
I was first introduced to these kinds of people, we call Emotional Vampires, during my Masteral in Psychology (Clinical) at the University of the Philippines. I had to do a report presentation on Personality Disorders and my professor (hi Doc Bolet!) gave me a photocopy of the whole book; asked me to read it and to deliver the report presentation creatively.
I finished reading the book in one sitting, I was hooked from the first page until the end. Reading this book made me realize that it is far more important to understand the mechanics of human problems, how to operate and what to do about them. I learned to spot the "vampires" lurking in my life and discovered how to protect myself whenever they attack. I would like to share what I've read with you...
.
Vampires stalk you, even as we speak. On broad daylit streets, under the blue pulsations of your office fluorescents, and maybe even in the warm lights of home. They're out there, masquerading as regular people until their internal needs change them into predatory beasts.
It's not your blood they drain; it's your emotional energy.
Make no mistake. These are authentic creatures of darkness. They have the power not only to aggravate you, but to hypnotize you, to cloud your mind with false promises until you are tangled in their spell.
At first, Emotional Vampires look better than regular people. They're as bright, talented, charming as a Romanian count. You like them, you trust them, you expect from them than you do from other people. You expect more; you get less, and in the end you get taken. You invite them into your life, and seldom realize your mistake until they've disappeared into the night, leaving you drained dry with a pain in the neck, an empty wallet, or perhaps a broken heart. Even then, you wonder --- is it them or is it me?
It's them. Emotional Vampires.
Do you know them? Have you experienced their dark power in your life? Have you met people who seemed perfect at first, but later turned out o be a perfect mess? Have you heard promises whispered in the night that were forgotten before dawn? Have you been drained dry?
Emotional Vampires don't rise from coffins at night. They live down the street. They're the neighbors who are warm and cordial to your face, but spread stories behind your back. Emotional Vampires could be lurking within your family. A vampire may even share your bed, a loving partner one minute and in the next, a cold, distant stranger.

33 comments:

mikey said...

I can't stress enough how much I appreciate this post. I have encountered a topic or two in Emotional vampires in college but haven't gotten the chance to expound on them. Reading the links you posted I daresay that I AM a victim of an emotional vampire; a PARANOID one. fits every category. Thanks sol! :)

DarkBlak said...

sa tingin ko naging biktima na rin ako ng mga taong ganyan.... kaya lang pano kung ganun pala ako.... waaaaa... wag naman sana :)

arvin delacruz said...

i used to be a member of an egroup, we all used to have goodtime exchanging emails, jokes, etc. then one day, one of the members just dissapeared, we were all worried about that member. we snt him emails, no response, cld that person, not home. one day - on line buddy and friend, next day total stranger. i guess that person is an emotional vampire. we never heard from that person again. even though its just thru emails, u develop some form of friendship with people that u hate for them to just dissapear without giving a reason why.

goyong said...

Pasensiya ka na Ma'am balik na naman ako sa paborito kong paksa. Wala na namang pinagkaiba yan sa mga buwisit na politiko sa ating bansa. Yon pala ang magandang tawag sa kanila mga "Emotional Vampires." Magagaling magsalita, Santo-Santita kuno, dadaanin ka sa kung-ano anong pangako,lalaruin ang iyong emosyon, gagawin ang lahat makuha lamang ang iyong boto at simpatiya ngunit sa bandang huli lalabas din ang tunay nilang kaanyunan sila pala ay mga bampirang sumisimsim ng yaman ng bayan. Sana makatapat kayo ng biktimang may HIV at ng matapos na ang inyong pagsasabog ng lagim.

TEACHER SOL said...

MIKEY, I read your entry and I immediately know you're a victim of an emotional vampire. A Paranoid one? Oh well, "they believe in concrete Rules that they believe are carved in stone. They expect everybody else to live by these rules as well". Is it a bulls-eye?!

DARKBLAK, ikaw talagang bata ka...kung saan-saan ka na nakakarating ha, hehe. *wink* Bukas na ang sintensya, hold your breath. Let's go back to emotional vampires. Alam mo iho, to emotional vampires, other people are there to supply their needs. Isa ka ba sa kanila?

DarkBlak said...

sana hindi ako isa sa kanila :)

TEACHER SOL said...

ARVIN, hmmm, mukhang alam ko ang sinasabi mo, and for all you know nagbabasa yan dito, lagot ka! hehe, panakot lang...creepy ang topic natin eh. Hindi yata emotional vampire yung taong tinutukoy mo eh, baka ang kaso niya ay regression. At tayong mas nakakaunawa sa ganyang sitwasyon ang kailangang umintindi sa kanya. He is not intrinsically evil, but his immaturity allows him to operate without thinking about whether his actions are good or bad.

GOYONG, nahawa mo na ako sa pagiging aktibista mo. I-copy paste ko ang sinabi ko kay Isabela, sandali lang...

"Kailan tayo magiging mature sa ating mga desisyon, mga kapwa ko Pinoy? Tayo naman sana ay magkaroon ng responsableng relasyon sa Pangulo. Hindi tama na sya lang ang magpapatakbo ng ating bansa. Dapat ay tulong-tulong at sama-sama. Yan bang mga putak-nang-putak dyan, may ginagawa ba sila para mapabuti ang bansa? Kung sana nagvo-volunteer nalang sila sa Gawad Kalinga kaysa bumabatikos sa gobyerno. Kung sana may maganda silang suggestion sa pangulo para mapaganda ang takbo ng bansa. Kung sana man lang may itinutulong sila…

Sakit na nga yan ng lipunan. Bakit nga ba may inilalagay sa posisyon na mas magaling magpatawa at maging aktor kaysa magpatakbo ng gobyerno? Sila na ba ang bagong idolo? Wala nang saysay ang mga mataas na pinag-aralan natin sa Unibersidad, nagpapakadalubhasa pa tayong maging Ekonomista, Abogado, Doktor, Guro, para sa wala? Para pumunta ng ibang bansa at doon magpaalila? Anong nangyayari sa mga mamamayang Pilipino? Ganyan na ba tayong mag-isip ngayon?"

Jonas Diego said...

Teacher Sol, it's done! You can check the logos out at the following URLs...

Logo 1

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/jonasdiego/PinoyTeachersNetworkLogo1Colored.jpg

Logo 2

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/jonasdiego/PinoyTeachersNetworkLogo2Colored.jpg

Let me know if you have more suggestions. Thanks! :)

evi said...

"A vampire may even share your bed, a loving partner one minute and in the next, a cold, distant stranger."

This is freaky. Never mind about these vampires down the street. But to have one right in your own house is alarming.

Sassafras said...

the book looks interesting. may tawag pala talaga sa mga ganoong tao. thus far, i think i have nurtured at least two vamps---kung tama ang pagkaintindi ko ha. yung tipong kakausapin ka at gagawing sounding board tapos biglang mawawala pag di ka kailangan---para lang balikan ka ulit para ngumawa na naman.
eh yun kayang mga taong wala ka nang narinig kundi drama sa buhay nila---yung tipong maliit na bagay na ginagawang malaking isyu para kaawaan sila: vampire din? hmmm.

nikki said...

hmmm... i have been a victim of that vampire. teachersol, kelangan ko hanapin yang book na yan.

i think we have all been victims at some point in our lives, i just hope we all learned our lessons para naman hindi na maulit ang pagiging biktima natin.

masdal6 said...

Hi Sol. We all endure the Emotional Vampires everyday. There are lots of them in fact. In school and in work places, they are almost everywhere.

Once I thought that my relations with other men suffered while I was always trying to evade these kind of people. But somehow, I have learned that we just have to deal with their existence and be patient while we can.

Major Tom said...

Hi Sol, this is Major Tom. I am the commenter "Masdal6" above. A little error in signing in. Please pardon the mistake. More power to you.

bing said...

hi, sol,

i guess we'll not pass this world without an encounter with those creatures. and we may have been one, too, unconsciously. it is good that there are books to remind us of such frailties. and people, too, like you, to blog about this.

crnr_kyck said...

waah emotional vampires!the invite you for lunch and spend the next 4 hours talking about their sorry lives, making mountains out of molehills, and sucking out every bit of happy dust you have left in your tiny little bottle.waaah

Air Milikay said...

listen: isn't this what a husband and wife does and there for?

or boyfriend and girlfriend?

i don't know about you folks, all i know is vampires real or imagine makes the best lovers.

Duke said...

ahh nabiktima na din ako ng emotinal vampire.. at first kala mo friend mo at ok na tao pero later on you will realize na mas marami silang nalalabas na negative emotions from you. Just thinking about them makes you feel tired! Minsan nga lang mahirap sila ma weed out...

TEACHER SOL said...

EVERYONE, I will check back to reply to your comments. Squeezing in some time for blogging, addict talaga hehe, I'm in Baltimore Maryland for the National Board Assessor's Training. Let me know your thoughts. Cattch you later!

gigi said...

Hi Marisol. This was a very interesting read. Thank you for the article. You’ve inspired me to go out and buy the book now. Kamusta na kayo ni Reiner and Reine ? Balita naman dyan. Natutulog ngayon si Ashleigh kaya nakaka-type ako ngayon. LOL…

schatzli said...

good reading thought am good at rooting bad apples... they exist around you di ba? LOL

think I would prefer a blood drain than the emotional drain.

Isabela said...

hmmm...vampires. marami niyan. Dito lang sa blogosphere, may na-ispatan na ako. Pero hindi sila halata kasi alam mo na, "good manners and right conduct" ang mga bloggers kaya nabi-biktima sila.
Ang Van Helsing ng mga bampirang 'yan, Sol, ay ang mga taong prangka. Yun bang tipong ganito ang dating:
"Hey, shut up! I don't have time for your crap!"
May ibang tawag ako sa mga vampires -
LOSERS!! Big time!!
Ngayon kung saksakan ka ng bait at madalas kang ma-biktima, ala, eh, LOSER na rin ang tawag ko sa 'yo. hehehe! E, di baga birds of a feather flock together?

TEACHER SOL said...

JONAS, From the bottom of our passionate hearts, the Pinoy Teachers Network would like to sincerely thank your kindness for our logos, JONAS DIEGO (creator of Yan ang Pinay logo). Maraming Salamat.

EVI, Emotional Vampires look like adults on the outside, but inside, they're still babies. Vampires themselves are usually not aware of the childish needs that drive them. That's all the more reason you should be.

TEACHER SOL said...

SASSAFRAS, "yung tipong kakausapin ka at gagawing sounding board tapos biglang mawawala pag di ka kailangan" Very good, a star for you! Ang dahilan kung bakit?...Emotional Vampires never grow up. Throughout their lives, they see themselves as victims of fate and the unpredictability of others. Stuff happens, and they just respond to it. As a result, they have no opportunity to learn from their mistakes, and they just keep on making the same ones over and over.

NIKKI, Right, girl! Social creatures like us trust each other and follow the unwritten basic rules, and Emotional Vampires betray that trust. We have to learn how to spot them and how to deal with these vampires in our lives before they drain us dry.

TEACHER SOL said...

MAJOR TOM, Right, I guess this entry would help us deal with those co-workers, friends, and family members who would like nothing better than to drain our emotional and psychological well-being. The book that I mentioned here would give us the keys to understanding the nature of their behavior and the way their brain works. Most of the time, we are the victims, because we are being very patient to them.

BING, Reading this book, I realized I have traces of being obssessive-compulsive; thank God it's not yet a disorder. Emotional Vampires, unlike us, don't know where to stop. If there are limits to be set, we have to set them.Prepare in our heart to let them drift away like the snows of yesterday.

TEACHER SOL said...

CRNR_KYCK, If there's a Vamp in your life, make sure you recognize the warning signs of hypnosis: instant rapport, deviating from standard procedure, thinking in superlatives, discounting objective information, and confusion.

AIR MILIKAY, my husband said the same thing, Vampires are passionate, romantic... because they lurk in the dark and they come out in surprise. "isn't this what a husband and wife does and there for? or boyfriend and girlfriend?" Most of us allow Vamps in our lives. But know that Vamps are in the game for excitement rather than financial gain or everlasting love. The way to enjoy them is to live for the moment and the good times you share.

TEACHER SOL said...

DUKE, Our best defense against vampires is to understand the hungers that move them. Being clear with yourself about your own goals will help prevent you from making mistakes that you will have to learn from.

GIGI, Go buy the book, well recommended! It helped me reflect about myself and my relationship with other people, and how to deal with the Vamp in my life *wink*. I'm here in Baltimore Maryland for the National Board Certification Assessor's Training. Sakit ulo (gising maaga, tulog late, puro pakinig sa lectures buong araw), and sakit ngipin (I'm scheduled for a root canal on Aug 8). Hay! Kiss the baby for me...

TEACHER SOL said...

SHA, ngayon ko lang ulit napansin yung unang una mong email sa akin, if you can still remember, and I realized ikaw pala yun! You impress me very much. Email kita para i-feature din kita sa blog ko ha. Pareho lang nakakapayat yan, blood drain & emotional drain, haha

ISABELA, Yep, if by chance you are fighting a war, these are the best people to send. Maangas yung iba talaga pag pinainit mo ang ulo, walang tigit ang tantrums!"Ngayon kung saksakan ka ng bait at madalas kang ma-biktima, ala, eh, LOSER na rin ang tawag ko sa 'yo." Oo nga naman, bakit ba tayo papaapekto sa mga taong ganito? Tama na yung iyakan ng isang gabi, tapos bangon tayo ulit at go on with our lives. Their victims drive themselves crazy trying to get the Vamps to keep their charm, and be more reliable at the same time. Don't even think of it. We can't make a Toyota out of a Ferrarri. Hay naku! I learned my lesson, and I learned so well from reading this book. Nabibiktima pa rin ako pero di katulad ng dati.

nikki said...

bibilhin ko na yung book bukas... alam ko na kung saan available. :-D

petite said...

Hi, Teacher Sol!

Thanks for the tip-off on the Emotional Vampires book. Naku, I'm
very familiar with this type of people. I deal with a lot of them
during the normal course of my work. :-)

I've also had a couple of 'close encounters' with emotional vampires. They were so draining! I've learned some ways to cope, but I think this book may be able to give me some more insight and helpful tips too. I'll be sure to look for a copy the next time we go to the bookshop.

nikki said...

i looked for emotional vampires din pero out of stock daw. hahanap ako sa ibang branch.

TEACHER SOL said...

PETITE, this book helped me a lot knowing myself and knowing the individual differences of the people around me. This book is surely a good investment.

NIKKI, when I was still back home 2 years ago, this book was always out of stock in every bookstore that I went to, it's been a bestseller for years now! I got a copy from National Bookstore, an old, torn dilapidated one, and still they wouldn't give me a discount for the price because they knew that solo copy was a treasure. Hope you find a copy soon. It's a good reference, I keep it beside my bed, refer to it when I encounter somebody with really puzzling personality.

Anonymous said...

I have not read the book so yung notes mo lang ang nakuha ko...

Is it possible that once you are bitten by an emotional vampire you become a vampire of some sort too?

E.V.'s that you don't care about you just ignore or avoid because they drain you! You run for your life and stay away from them. But what about those that you care about? Hirap, ano?

You say EV's never grow up but shouldn't you try the more to help them grow???

Hay naku... baka EVs and nuerotics would go well together...

TEACHER SOL said...

"Is it possible that once you are bitten by an emotional vampire you become a vampire of some sort too?"

I don't think so if your personality is stable than the EV, unless you're an EV too in a different category. Though they act like creatures of darkness, there's nothing supernatural about Emotional Vampires. The melodramatic metaphor is nothing like more than Clinical Psychology dressed up in a Halloween costume.

"E.V.'s that you don't care about you just ignore or avoid because they drain you! You run for your life and stay away from them. But what about those that you care about? Hirap, ano?"

Hirap nga, but if you read the book and as you read further, you'll probably discover that everybody you know, including yourself, has some characteristics of each of the vampire types. Everybody has some, nobody has all.Feel free to use the techniques that seem most appropriate.

You say EV's never grow up but shouldn't you try the more to help them grow???

Let's rephrase this question, so it's easier to answer based from the book...if emotional vampires are children, what does it take to be a grown up? To be psychologically healthy, we have to believe that what we do has some effect on what happens to us. The purpose of the book here is not to consider the morality of EVs but to teach you how to spot them in your life, and give you some ideas about what to do when you find yourself underattach by the forces of darkness. Understanding EVs immaturity is your ultimate weapon. Vampires are difficult to handle already; there's no point in ignoring effective strategies just because you think they're only for kids.

Hay naku... baka EVs and nuerotics would go well together...

Haha, in graduate school, I learned this simple distinction: when people are driving themselves crazy, they have neuroses or psychoses. When they drive other people crazy, they have personality disorders. I think labu-labo sila pagnagkasama, haha.

Promethean Planet

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