…BUT TOUGH PEOPLE DO!

“You grow inside me little heart beating strong

though I had my doubts I now know it's not wrong
You weren't planned but now I know

how much you are wanted as each day you grow
I pray for your health I ask God each day

to let you be healthy in every way
You aren't an accident you're not a mistake

you're the best of surprises two people could make!”

Not a soul told me what pregnancy would bring. It brought all these unexplainable emotions and mood swings. I couldn’t forget one time when I was salivating and was badly craving to have a taste of a ripe mango. So I asked Reiner to buy me a mango from the market fast. After an hour, he came back with an iced drop,
“Mangoes are really expensive now, this is all I could afford...mango flavored iced drop.”
I wanted to cry.

I had never felt immensely large in my life because I was always skinny. I felt so insecure as I grew bigger every month, though the staff in Auntie Mely’s clinic would tell me that I was one of the sexiest pregnant women she had seen in the hospital.

Towards the last two months of my pregnancy all I wanted to do was have this baby because I had had enough of being so big, so uncomfortable, breathless (after only walking 5 paces), tired of getting leg cramps in the middle of the night and heartburn.

I was in my 38th week of pregnancy, and I was very tired and fed up with being expectant.
For 38 weeks, I had not lifted, run, hopped, climbed, had sex, or even sneezed without being told it was bad for the baby.

For 38 weeks I had not been able to have a single emotion besides happiness, without being told it was bad for the baby.

My hips looked like a freeway, zigzagged with on and off ramps, my breasts were reaching for my belly button, my nipples were the size of my fists, this stomach was slowly being stretched so that the expressway on my hips will soon join my belly, but I was told that was good for the baby.

I had nightmares of an alien coming out from my stomach just as graphic and explicit as we see it in sickening horror movies. Maren Rae was very energetic even as a fetus.

I had waddled around like a duck for 38 weeks, sat down like a chicken on an egg, and sweated like a pig no matter what the temperature, all of which were very considerate of the baby. I was really very tired and fed up with being pregnant. This new development did not only freak me out, but had Reiner on edge, wondering when this was going to become a REAL baby. Maren Rae was not bothered a bit, for I was told she would come out when she was ready. Because, you see, this was all good for the baby.

I felt like a five year old, wondering when I, the mommy, would feel good about myself again.
Although it sounds all negative, it was not.

Reiner stood beside me all along. We would go to Auntie Mely regularly for my check-ups. We did an ultrasound. The greatest moment was seeing the first scan and realizing that I did have this little life inside me, hearing the first heartbeat and feeling the first movements.

And there, on the black and white monitor, was Maren Rae. Or at least, it was the gestational sack that Maren Rae was growing in. I didn't know back then, that it was our Maren Rae, but there she was. I was 5 1/2 weeks pregnant. We could see the heart beating. It is, and was, the single, most awesome moment of all my years on Earth.

And at the end of it all, the wonderful joy of seeing our baby being born was beyond compare.
Reiner was there beside me all along amidst his struggle to pass his subjects in U.P. My family came to the hospital despite the 10-hour travel by bus from our province. Cleng with Romuel didn’t miss this day too. And of course, Auntie Mely took care of everything even though she was scheduled for an out-of-town trip that day. These were the people who shared with us this very out of the ordinary day.

Labor was good for me. Shedding this extra 50 pounds was good for me. Being able to roll over in bed without a 15-minute trip to the bathroom at night, every hour on the hour, was good for me. And not to forget the time it took to be able to hoist myself out of bed, and then finding a comfortable position again, was good for me. Holding my newborn infant daughter was good for me. Memorizing my new baby’s every feature, touching her soft baby skin, smelling her special smell, was so good for me. Knowing I did everything I could to bring this perfect little girl into our world was good for me. Seeing my husband's face when he would hold his first baby in his arms initially was so good for me.

So life is full of surprises. And these whole new experiences are good for me! Life is good and having a baby around is never boring.