Sunday, March 25, 2007


I’ve been
your eyes
too long

your lips

- E. Ethelbert Miller-
It felt so right just being with him.
“Hahaha…brods, she’s mine!” he would boastfully say that to all his brods and friends. “She’s MINE FOREVER!”
Our relationship was different. It was reciprocal, I was teaching him to keep on track with his life, and he was bringing me back my sanity from all those schoolwork. We’ve fallen in love with each other hook, line and sinker.
But something seemed wrong. Everything that we were sharing was so platonic. Though it was sincere, it was very casual. I was waiting for the intimacy part. Where was it?
Boy! Was I not attractive, not hot nor sexy enough for him? Oh…on the brighter side, we probably were still in the “testing-the-water-stage”…or could be because he respected me too much.
“How did it feel? Was it good?”
What were they talking about?!
“Gaga! Your first kiss with Reiner?”
First kiss with Reiner. Yes, I was waiting for that too.
It has been ten days since he became my boyfriend but still there was no sign of his wanting to kiss me. Did he want me to be just a constant companion, girl friend period? Or, girlfriend, with physical tenderness and emotional bonding? Because that was what I meant about having a boyfriend.
Eleven days. Twelve days. Shall I wait ‘til Christmas?
The twelfth day that he would bring me home. I was so sure he would do his routine. He would stay for a while so we could talk a little while listening to the music. Then he would give me a peck on the cheek and leave while waving goodbye on his way to his car.
That night, the music from my small stereo filled my whole crampy apartment. It was already a permanent place to stay for my family when we would go to Manila from the province even before I was born. The apartment, some furniture and appliances like my good ol’ electric standfan and the TV were older than me. But they had served my family so well with loyalty and endurance. Family members stayed and left…Papa and Mama, Tito Sammy, Lola, Tita Neng, and now me and my brother.

“Hey, listen to this…” a Side A song was playing. Forevermore.
“There are times when I just want to look at your face with the stars in the night… there are times when I just want to feel your embrace in the cold of the night…I just can’t believe that you are mine now…”
The song went on, we listened. I didn’t understand why it seemed so meaningful. Quietly we both listened. We felt each other’s presence more than ever.
“It was like the song was written by me to you”
Then he reached for the volume knob of the stereo, which was on the other side of me.
I felt his breath on my ear. Then his lips softly touched my cheek. Warm, gently, it slowly found its way to my lips. We were kissing! So real…honest…tender…true. Cliché as it may be, it was like floating in the air like a feather. I felt free. It was calm and relaxed. Our lips had their own cadence and our tongue had its own rhythm.

It felt so good being loved by him. He saw me as a beautiful person inside out and he loved me the way I was. I used to feel like an ugly duckling when I was in high school but Reiner made me feel like I was a gorgeous swan.
I remember when I was in early teens. The notion of what seemed to be happening between lovers suggested sinister and mysterious secrets, which I could not grasp at all. I would be really embarrassed to ask something about that subject to my friends, to my parents, or to anybody, even my teachers. It was such an uncomfortable topic, it was forbidden to talk about it among friends.
But it was not a taboo to talk about it in UP. I talked about it openly with my sorority sisters. We would giggle behind closed doors with a mixture of repulsion and amusement when we look at pornographic pictures or when we look at attractive men suggestively. We read and openly discussed among ourselves what to expect during sex and what would satisfy both partners. We talked about the seduction techniques too.
And now is the time to apply everything that I have learned from my sorority sisters. Damn! They were right. Have I learned anything? Was I a good student in this subject?
Probably my new teacher, Reiner, was better than them.
If I were to give advice to parents of young girls, I would tell them not to leave their young daughter alone in the house with her boyfriend. “Study groups” could be studying more interesting subjects than academics. And indeed, their boyfriends are better teachers than their professors or anybody else in this area of expertise.
Just being together makes the lovers feel complete, the feeling becomes intense most especially when they are free in their own world.

Listen Beloved, the rustling
Of soft cooing turtledoves
Cozily pairing all night.

Come, oh my treasure, we too
Shall nestle and artfully dally
Until the prying moon departs.

My shy little doe-eyed beauty,
Where lingers your spirit today?

I shall court you with wine
And bring gifts divine
‘Til your radiant smile answer “yes”.

Prepare your bed strewn with
Blossoms bright
Anoint your breasts with oil
For tonight we shall enter the
Gates of delight
And rock on the seas of joy

Concealed in whispering silk
Your creamy thighs
My heart delight
Ivory portal
Gateway to heaven
The tambours keep pounding
A patch to my soul

You are the one I cherish tonight
My swan glides into your cave
To dally to our hearts’ content
With squeals of delight
And nibbles and bites
Sampling your juices divine
I am drunk as on heavenly wine

Young breasts
Hot little sea shells
Melting against him
Rising to his kisses
Hands caressing
Exploring her juicy mound

My thighs a twining arbor
Enticing embraces
Deep surges of pleasure
Impetous you

Stroking deeply, hotly, sweetly
My strutting peacock
Fans his tail
Little red rosebud
Swelling discreetly
Of our love sings the nightingale

My fountain gushes
Your scented lotus pool

The arrow, quivering,
Found his mark
Shaft penetrating deeply
Waft of perfume and music sweet
Your silken limbs
Have made me weep
Night is so swift,
So hurried to depart

Thrumming rhythms
Surging from bottomless depths
Pulsing and throbbing
Joining our bodies
Exalting heart and soul

How descriptive was this Indian poet, Brahadaranyaka Upanishad, in his masterpiece: Kama Sutra. He illustrated clearly the art of lovemaking. It is surprising how much consideration there is for the feelings of women during love making in such an ancient writing.
“ The Kama Sutra treats men and women as equal partners in love making, understanding a woman’s sexual desires as equal to a man’s. If the desires of both partners are fulfilled, the couple will be happy with one another and able to take their union to another place”.
I remember the Philippine’s legendary sex therapist, Dr. Margarita Holmes, who was my professor in my Human Sexuality Class, one of my Psychology graduate subjects, in UP. She would always ask me to drive her home every after class because her house in Fairview was on my way home. She was a very remarkable teacher. And she gave me some of her published books with her autograph.
I liked her style inside the classroom. She would candidly and scientifically explain every process of human sexuality in detail to us. In her class I learned that human sexuality is biology, it is in our system. I couldn’t forget when she asked me to report on “The Tao of Love and Sex”, the Chinese version of the Kama Sutra. I successfully and creatively demonstrated everything with the use of some props like an eggplant and a transparent tube. Who would think that a naïve person like me could present such topic without inhibitions? She gave me a good grade.
She was a teacher that I will always remember.
Another was Reiner.

Your wanton spells
Draw me into your arms
Your healthy perfume
Clouds my brain
Ensnared by your magic’s
Golden weave
I gladly succumb again

I dreamt you were
In my arms again
Your breath caressing my cheek
Your barge slipping
Into my harbor fain
And you were mine to keep

Parting your thighs
As the bow of a ship
Parts the waves
Desire searing my loins
I straddle the torrid gales

I cast into your lotus pool
My hard-tipped angling rod.

Come, oh beloved,
I clasp you to my heart.

Rash as a fiery stallion
He breached her welcoming gates
Muffled her little cries of delight
With kisses of flaming desire
Til soaring and melting
Hearts thundered as one

Sweet love,
I thank God for the gift of you
And the journey of joy
I take when I look into
Your liquid eyes.

They came together secretly,
Their light and friend, the moon,
He strong of limb,
She soft to yield.

Whispering love,
Their lips entwined,
Melting time in hot embrace,
Night passed all too soon.

Desire swells like a symphony
Your beauty entrepreneurs my soul
Sensuous beings
Powerful feelings
Wanton-eyed temptress of mine

In the embrace of his beloved
A man forgets the whole world –
Everything both within and without.

In the same way, he who embraces the Self
Knows neither within
Nor without.

-Brahadaranyaka Upanishad-

Months and years passed, Reiner and I had always shared good times together. There were misunderstandings but were not enough to permanently break us apart

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