Tuesday, April 10, 2007


“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”

Marriage is not a bed of roses, it’s an icing on the cake. It’s really up to the couple what flavor they want their cake to be. In marriage, you can grow together or you can grow apart. There is a 50-50 percent chance that either can happen. I believe that. I believe this is true to everybody. It’s true to me.

Working at ABS CBN entailed Reiner to work even more than the call of duty. He was always in the company of people who curse out like they couldn’t last a minute without spitting it out to anybody. Their lifestyle was unhealthy (coffee, smoking, drinking, eating unhealthy food, under stress every minute…the list goes on), and temptations are everywhere. Almost all married people he knows in his office had had affairs with their officemates. There wasn’t a single minute when he was away that I would have peace of mind. Because there could be a possibility for him to come home in a casket after coverage of NPA-PNP encounter.

There came a point in our life when we would always fight. We became so engrossed with our work that we would prioritize our career more than each other. So many times that I thought of leaving him, so many times also did I ask myself if I made the right decision of marrying him. After all, he wasn’t my ideal man. Who was my ideal man? Somebody who would spoil me, someone who would take me to paradise and stay with me there, someone who would make my life so perfect that I wouldn’t ask for more.

We always had fights. Some big fights while others were just petty little fights. But just when I was getting tired and was giving up again, a good opportunity to escape came. I was accepted to teach at Washington DC.

But no! I cannot do that to Reiner. Even if he was not telling me, I know he wouldn’t be able to live without me. It would be a big struggle for him to survive without me; and vice versa. He is the engine that runs my life.

But what I realized was that I was going to be forever restless without him. My soul would be forever wandering searching for his soul. No matter how much we would hate and hurt each other when we fight, I am happiest when I am with him. I couldn’t imagine my self without him. Life would be so dull and routinary.

We’ve changed since we got together in marriage.

We’re not the lovers anymore that we were back in college who were living in a fantasy world. He used to be my prince, my knight in the shining armor who saved me from all my miseries. I felt like his princess. He showered me with all the sweetness and mushy talks that really overwhelmed me. I really believed in the fantasy world that we built then. It seemed so real. I always prefer to go back to our fantasy world. I missed it. I never wanted to wake up anymore.
But I had to. Otherwise, our marriage won’t last. I had to forget about my ideal man. It was a dream. I had to forget about my fantasy world. It was a castle in the sky. I am living in the real world. In the real world nothing is perfect.

I know our relationship is very special. Not just because of our different kind of love for each other but also because of our history that we built and shared together.

We went together through a lot of difficult times…really hard times. We sacrificed a lot for each other. We’ve proven to everyone that we can survive together through thick and thin. And we didn’t just survive, we were both successful and we are continuously going up the ladder together. I cannot just give up that bond that connected us and made us stronger through the years. We made a vow and not I will be the first one to break it.

Yes, he changed me. I am wiser now. I am more independent now. I realized that I don’t have to depend on him because most of the time he wasn’t always there when I needed him.
In reality my husband is training me to be independent and strong. He’s training me to be more patient and understanding. Because of him I am now a better person than the first time he knew me.

He’s not my ideal man. He is the right man. And we will stay together forever…for life.

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